I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
