I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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