Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
