She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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