We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
