she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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