i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
