If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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