okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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