so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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