my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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