i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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