just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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