I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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