PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
