I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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