i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE