Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.