Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When are your genitals available?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.