if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.