a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away