So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
