so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
