a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
