Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
