i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
