If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
