The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
someone owes me an orgasm
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
