Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
