Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
