Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize