woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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