Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize