I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize