Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
