oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
