I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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