Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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