just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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