Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
