Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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