I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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