So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
