Midget sex pt 2 tonight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
