is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
