I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
