Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
