So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
