Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
