Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
