highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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