My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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