We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.