I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
