it wasn't lemon gatorade
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
