I'm gonna have a badass scar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize