I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
