there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
