Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
