If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
