Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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