If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
