WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
