This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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